The most frustrating question a child asks when you’re in the middle of something important is, “Why?” It’s asked so persistently that many parents, myself included, find themselves trying to remove that word from their child’s vocabulary, looking only for a moment of peace. The problem is, in doing so, we risk eliminating “Why” not just in the present but forever. As a father, that worries me, especially while I’m also being challenged to think deeply about my own personal, career, and family "Why."
Asking "Why" is essential throughout our lives and careers, but no matter how many times we ask it, the answer often depends on who we’re asking. And that's the challenge: the success of the "Why" isn't just about asking the question. It's about understanding the response.
Interestingly, some people don’t need to ask "Why" because they believe they already understand. This can be risky, though, because assumptions are often wrong. Instead of assuming, I recommend asking clarifying questions or paraphrasing what you’ve heard, including what you think has been implied. This method creates space for correction, making the process of discovering "Why" more productive and less prone to misinterpretation.
But to take the concept of "Why" even further, it’s crucial to identify your own personal Why. In my experience, this breaks down into three parts: the family why, the self why, and the career why.
Your Family Why
Start with your family why. In fact, I believe it’s the most important, as it often informs and even dictates the others. When you’re defining your family,why, think about what “family” means to you and how your role within that family is defined. If you have a significant other, this isn’t a solo exercise, bring them into the conversation.
For me, my family why revolves around being present, supportive, and nurturing their growth. It’s about ensuring that I am not just leading/supporting but also protecting, providing, and encouraging my loved ones. Their goals and well-being are the things that shape my decisions.
Your Self Why
Next, reflect on your self why. This can often be the most challenging because it’s deeply tied to your emotions, which are hard to express in words. Passion, frustration, joy, or even anxiety may all point toward your self why. The key here is to lean into these emotions and follow them. They’re like breadcrumbs leading you toward something more significant—your purpose.
Your Career Why
Finally, there’s the career why. Whether you’re starting your own business or pursuing a path within a company, knowing your career why is essential. Many young people struggle with this because they find themselves on a career path that doesn’t align with their deeper desires, often hearing this through words like “impact.” Once you’ve identified your career why and aligned it with your personal and family whys, that’s when real grit emerges. It becomes your drive, the thing that keeps you moving forward, even when challenges arise. And when people notice that drive, whether they’re employers or clients, that’s when growth happens.
Revisiting Your Whys
One last thing: these whys aren’t static. They evolve as you do. Over your lifetime, you’ll need to revisit and sometimes refine them. What made sense in the past may not resonate anymore, and that’s okay. Reconnecting with your why can either reignite your passion or offer closure, allowing you to move on to your next chapter. This process helps prevent regret because the person you were when you first identified your whys is not the same person you are today.
